Miracles Happen
AJ Robinson

This morning, driving to work, I could have sworn I saw a flock of very odd birds. They had the appearance and features of a certain variety of barnyard denizens. Later I ran into one of those sidewalk preachers who is always ranting about the end of the world being neigh.

This time he claimed Satan communed with him and complained the unseasonable weather his domain was experiencing. It seemed snowplows were needed to clear the streets down there. Satan was hard pressed to find any, as the situation was quite beyond what they were used to, ever!

The cause of these disturbances to the balance and harmony of the universe finally became clear a short time later. I got a text from my brother David. He’s now taking care of the affairs of our mother, as brother Greg passed not long ago. David was trying to get some legal documents filed.

The problem David encountered the need for a valid identification for our mother. The only item he had in his possession was her driver’s license, which expired and was rejected as a valid identification. Well, David figured it would be easy enough to hike on down to the DVM or go online and get a new one.

No such luck, as he soon discovered. It turned out the license wasn’t merely expired. No, it had been revoked, wait for it, drum roll please for unpaid moving violation! Yes, my mom, the single worst driver this side of the Atlantic had finally, finally, gotten a ticket.

Now, keep in mind, she was in a terrible car accident in February of 2019 and hasn’t driven since. That means this is quite the old ticket. For years, quite possibly decades we in the family have been hoping and praying that someone, some strong-willed traffic police officer, county officer or state trooper would have the guts to slap her with a ticket.

Her bad driving is legendary among family and friends.

We were thoroughly convinced the only way to get her to change was to hit her where it hurts: the pocketbook. I know that may seem an odd thing to say. Aafter all, she has more money that she could possibly spend, but you must remember her upbringing and mentality.

She lived through the Great Depression and World War II. She is a strong believer in the idea of saving your money, being frugal and never wasting anything. All our yelling, begging and pleading was for naught in trying to convince her to slow down, be more careful, and watch the road better. So, the family came to the joint conclusion that only the intervention of the constabulary could get her to change her ways and do it by inflicting the one thing she truly hated: a ticket that would necessitate the paying of a fee.

Our efforts and hopes were forever thwarted by her superpowers. As the eyes of Medusa turning anyone who sees them to stone, dear old mom always had the ability to beguile and schmooze any member of law enforcement that attempted to write her up. In fact, I truly think she was on a first name basis with every police officer in Collier County. So, time after time, she got off with a warning, which meant she never learned her lesson, and never changed her driving habits.

I was beginning to lose faith in the police establishment of Naples, Florida. Then came this news from David. I have to say, I truly wish I could see this ticket.

Maybe I’ll ask him to take a picture and send it to me. I must know, who was this person that wrote her up? Who had the strength to resist her siren’s song and do what was right? If the officer is called Ulysses or Perseus, I would not be surprised in the least!

Miracles can happen.

I know it’s a minor matter. A single ticket. It’s not like it’s important, now, what with mom in poor health, confined to a nursing home. Yet, it is rather amusing to think that a police officer did give the old girl a ticket. Yes, miracles can happen.